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| Claire's Baptism, January 2011 |
As many of you know, when Paul left for deployment, I set a goal for myself to lose ALL of my baby weight. After having little Paul, I had never gotten back to my prepregnancy weight. I always had 10 extra pounds hanging around. Even though I had lost all of my weight from having Catherine and gaining the least amount of weight with Claire, I was FLOORED when I left the hospital with over 30 lbs to lose! SERIOUSLY??? I had only gained 25!!!
So, here I was, four months postpartum with a 29 week deployment on my hands and, now, 33 lbs to lose. We set up our budget to where I had 'my' money that could be spread however I chose between groceries, gas, family needs, eating out, etc. After thinking about it, investigating it, and talking with Paul, I decided to dive into my first two paychecks and pay for a trainer for 12 sessions. I won't tell you how much I paid, because its ridiculous, but I can say its some of the best money I've ever spent! Every two weeks, I am given a new weight training workout and am kept accountable for my previous two weeks. Not to mention, I really enjoy the social aspect as well and the information I am recieving. Slowly but surely, between my eating and working out, my weight started to come off. The first 10 lbs were the hardest but once I got past them, it just started to fall off.
During this process, I realized that if I was going to really make a lifestyle change I needed to address my 'picky eating'. If you know me well, I have always described my picky eating as an eating disorder. It has always had incredible control over me. Over the years, from a child to teenager to adult it has gone from something that was 'cute' to being a problem. If someone is tryings to pressure me into eating or drinking something or pesters me about the foods I do and do not eat, you will most likely see my temper flare pretty quickly. It is my biggest insecurity. What I have learned in the last few months is that my picky eating is not just picky eating. It actually IS an eating disorder. The anxiety that I experienced when faced with a dinner at someone else's home or when trying a new food is OUT OF CONTROL! We're talking chest pains and sweat! Crazy, I know. So, now that I have this valuable information, I am addressing it. I WILL eat like a normal adult...eventually.
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At the shooting rang with Paul 4 days before he left.
May 2011 |
So, just based on the simple equation of how much I can handle during deployment, I decided to leave the eating well enough alone, for now, and work the foods that I DO eat into my calorie count. With this, I have continued to find great success in my weight loss.
I am now 23 pounds down with 10 to go (and 9.5 weeks until Paul gets home). As I get closer to my goal, I am realizing that losing weight does not mean going back to the old me. I will never be that girl again. In talking with my other mom friends, I am realizing that I am not the only one who struggles with their changing body after having children. EVERYTHING is different. I say my goal is 33 lbs but I have absolutely no idea what I will look like. I am genuinely very nervous that I will be highly disappointed in my body at my goal weight but I have decided that I am not going to sabotage my weight loss because of fear. If I get there and I want to make other adjustments, I will. If I don't, I won't. The whole purpose of losing my baby weight was to get myself back into a healthy condition so when I get pregnant again, I can successfully and gracefully carry another baby without DYING of back and joint pain. I think I have already accomplished that goal. Now, we'll just see what I'm left with.
Today holds a very dear place in most American's lives. Ten years ago, the country that we love went under fire. When I woke up this morning, the meaning of the day was heavy on my heart as I knew there were many people mourning the loss of loved ones and many remembering the fear that took hold on that day. The other aspect that hit me today was that my kids have absolutely no idea what 9/11 means. For something that is still so vivid in my mind, they were not even a thought in my mind. Heck, I was in 10th grade...they better not have been a thought in my mind! That realization made me contemplate how I was going to teach them about that day, especially given how much time their dad has spent deployed. 
