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| Claire's Baptism, January 2011 |
So, here I was, four months postpartum with a 29 week deployment on my hands and, now, 33 lbs to lose. We set up our budget to where I had 'my' money that could be spread however I chose between groceries, gas, family needs, eating out, etc. After thinking about it, investigating it, and talking with Paul, I decided to dive into my first two paychecks and pay for a trainer for 12 sessions. I won't tell you how much I paid, because its ridiculous, but I can say its some of the best money I've ever spent! Every two weeks, I am given a new weight training workout and am kept accountable for my previous two weeks. Not to mention, I really enjoy the social aspect as well and the information I am recieving. Slowly but surely, between my eating and working out, my weight started to come off. The first 10 lbs were the hardest but once I got past them, it just started to fall off.
During this process, I realized that if I was going to really make a lifestyle change I needed to address my 'picky eating'. If you know me well, I have always described my picky eating as an eating disorder. It has always had incredible control over me. Over the years, from a child to teenager to adult it has gone from something that was 'cute' to being a problem. If someone is tryings to pressure me into eating or drinking something or pesters me about the foods I do and do not eat, you will most likely see my temper flare pretty quickly. It is my biggest insecurity. What I have learned in the last few months is that my picky eating is not just picky eating. It actually IS an eating disorder. The anxiety that I experienced when faced with a dinner at someone else's home or when trying a new food is OUT OF CONTROL! We're talking chest pains and sweat! Crazy, I know. So, now that I have this valuable information, I am addressing it. I WILL eat like a normal adult...eventually.
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| At the shooting rang with Paul 4 days before he left. May 2011 |
I am now 23 pounds down with 10 to go (and 9.5 weeks until Paul gets home). As I get closer to my goal, I am realizing that losing weight does not mean going back to the old me. I will never be that girl again. In talking with my other mom friends, I am realizing that I am not the only one who struggles with their changing body after having children. EVERYTHING is different. I say my goal is 33 lbs but I have absolutely no idea what I will look like. I am genuinely very nervous that I will be highly disappointed in my body at my goal weight but I have decided that I am not going to sabotage my weight loss because of fear. If I get there and I want to make other adjustments, I will. If I don't, I won't. The whole purpose of losing my baby weight was to get myself back into a healthy condition so when I get pregnant again, I can successfully and gracefully carry another baby without DYING of back and joint pain. I think I have already accomplished that goal. Now, we'll just see what I'm left with.
