Every Monday I get the weekly update. I haven't turned it off yet and I'm not sure why. There is something kind of comforting about walking through what would have been. It's all very ironic because Mondays used to signify another week closer, now, given that Benjamin was delivered on a Monday, they count how many week since. 6 weeks.

As the weeks go by, we are getting into a new groove. Little did I know, Pre-eclampsia is a b*tch to come back from so the physical toll over these 6 weeks has not been minimal. Nevertheless, slowly but surely we are making progress and I'm finally feeling more like myself...just with high blood pressure and heart rate. Despite my best efforts, I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that high blood pressure may just be my permanent reminder of Benjamin that I never knew I needed. I swear these kids are out to break me...

Contentment with Benjamin's passing has (mostly) continued to be where I stand. Add in a few doses of regret, anger, and deep sadness and that just about has me covered.

Despite living with 7 other people, loneliness has definitely been the thing that I have struggled with the most. Loss and traumatic events are tough for those going through it and those who are watching. It's one of those times where there is literally nothing to say and nobody can fix it. It's hard all the way around.

Other than that, we are adjusting to the new house, new schedule, and new life here in Stuttgart. Paul has been back to work for a few weeks and the kids and I started our 3rd week back to school. We have been under a lockdown since December so we are hoping and praying that it lifts soon. We would love to leave our house for more than work, the grocery store, or a walk. But all in all, we are doing well and loving this week of beautiful weather!