The Truth Behind Losing Weight

Claire's Baptism, January 2011

As many of you know, when Paul left for deployment, I set a goal for myself to lose ALL of my baby weight.  After having little Paul, I had never gotten back to my prepregnancy weight.  I always had 10 extra pounds hanging around.  Even though I had lost all of my weight from having Catherine and gaining the least amount of weight with Claire, I was FLOORED when I left the hospital with over 30 lbs to lose!  SERIOUSLY???  I had only gained 25!!! 

So, here I was, four months postpartum with a 29 week deployment on my hands and, now, 33 lbs to lose.  We set up our budget to where I had 'my' money that could be spread however I chose between groceries, gas, family needs, eating out, etc.  After thinking about it, investigating it, and talking with Paul, I decided to dive into my first two paychecks and pay for a trainer for 12 sessions.  I won't tell you how much I paid, because its ridiculous, but I can say its some of the best money I've ever spent!  Every two weeks, I am given a new weight training workout and am kept accountable for my previous two weeks.  Not to mention, I really enjoy the social aspect as well and the information I am recieving.  Slowly but surely, between my eating and working out, my weight started to come off.  The first 10 lbs were the hardest but once I got past them, it just started to fall off. 

During this process, I realized that if I was going to really make a lifestyle change I needed to address my 'picky eating'.  If you know me well, I have always described my picky eating as an eating disorder.  It has always had incredible control over me.  Over the years, from a child to teenager to adult it has gone from something that was 'cute' to being a problem.  If someone is tryings to pressure me into eating or drinking something or pesters me about the foods I do and do not eat, you will most likely see my temper flare pretty quickly.  It is my biggest insecurity.  What I have learned in the last few months is that my picky eating is not just picky eating.  It actually IS an eating disorder.  The anxiety that I experienced when faced with a dinner at someone else's home or when trying a new food is OUT OF CONTROL!  We're talking chest pains and sweat!  Crazy, I know.  So, now that I have this valuable information, I am addressing it.  I WILL eat like a normal adult...eventually. 

At the shooting rang with Paul 4 days before he left.
May 2011

So, just based on the simple equation of how much I can handle during deployment, I decided to leave the eating well enough alone, for now, and work the foods that I DO eat into my calorie count.  With this, I have continued to find great success in my weight loss. 

I am now 23 pounds down with 10 to go (and 9.5 weeks until Paul gets home).  As I get closer to my goal, I am realizing that losing weight does not mean going back to the old me.  I will never be that girl again.  In talking with my other mom friends, I am realizing that I am not the only one who struggles with their changing body after having children.  EVERYTHING is different.  I say my goal is 33 lbs but I have absolutely no idea what I will look like.  I am genuinely very nervous that I will be highly disappointed in my body at my goal weight but I have decided that I am not going to sabotage my weight loss because of fear.  If I get there and I want to make other adjustments, I will.  If I don't, I won't.  The whole purpose of losing my baby weight was to get myself back into a healthy condition so when I get pregnant again, I can successfully and gracefully carry another baby without DYING of back and joint pain.  I think I have already accomplished that goal.  Now, we'll just see what I'm left with.