He Loves Me!

 

This little dude has put our relationship to the test for the last 4 months. By no fault of his own, his understanding of a mommy is a bit out of whack and it comes with A LOT of big emotions. That box got unlocked after a trauma response in December and we've been riding the crazy attachment ride ever since. He shifted Paul into the safe seat and put me...well, under the left wheel of the car. It's been humbling to say the least. And frustrating, very frustrating.

So, this morning, when he walked in my room at 6:03AM and asked to "lay wif mommy", you bet I scooted over and took a picture to remind myself next time I'm about to pull my hair out. I had no idea that this picture would say so much more. Thank you, Jesus, for this Holy Week gift!

#HeLovesMe #HeReallyReallyLovesMe #HeSureHasAFunnyWayOfShowingIt #AdoptionIsALotHarderThanItLooks #ButWorthIt

6 Months

 February 22, 2017.

The phone rang around 2:45pm. It was our foster agency.

"Hi Jeanne. I have a two year old boy who might be coming into care this afternoon."

The silence was deafening. I knew she was waiting for an answer but my head was spinning. This was our ninth call but for some reason it felt like the first.

I asked a few more questions to which she replied,

"Jeanne, all we know is that he is a Caucasian 2 year old boy. What do you think?"

I texted Paul as fast as I could while trying to keep her on the line. He beeped in, I popped over and said,

"Paul, she's on the other line! I need an answer! Two year old boy, nothing else. What do you think?"

"That's fine!", he said.

I was shocked. He was set on babies but for some reason he said yes. I clicked back over and said,

"Yes! We'll do it."

She said, "Okay, if he comes into care, I'll call you."

And then I waited. I had waited for many hours on previous calls so I had learned not to get pumped up or start anticipating anything. So far we were 0/8.

The phone rang at 3:45pm. I expected to hear her say, "He isn't coming into care! Thank you so much! Talk to you next time!" But she didn't say that.

She said, "Hi Jeanne. When can you get here? He is on the way to social services now."

Stupidly, I said, "Wait, WHAT!? So, he came into care?"

"Yes. His name is [Little Dude]"

"Oh, okay. Well, Paul isn't home and I have six kids at the house right now. Let me make some calls."

I proceeded to call every person I had ever met in Charlottesville, ZERO of which picked up the phone. Z-E-R-O. Panicking, I called Paul and he told me to load everybody up, including the neighbor who was playing at our house, and head for social services. He was 45 minutes out, he would meet me there and we would switch cars. Okay. I can do this. I calmly gathered the kids, sat them down and said,

"Okay, so, here's the deal. There is a 2 year old boy who needs a home, we are going to go pick him up. I need everybody to get your shoes and get in the car, please. We will talk in the car."

In true Mary-Grace fashion, she exclaimed, "A FOSTER KID! WE'RE GETTING A FOSTER KID!!!"

"Yes, Mary-Grace, get in the car!"

I quickly tried to remember what they had taught me in my classes. I gathered snacks, a sippy cup, and a book. As I did this, one by one, the kids brought me a stuffed animal, a toy car, a book, etc. Kids, they get it. Off we went.

On my way, we said a prayer for little dude, his family, and us, I answered a few more questions from the kids, went over the plan for meeting up with Paul, and some etiquette for not overwhelming the poor child when he met all five of them.

Then I called my mom. She and my dad did their best to calm me (and themselves) and wished me luck.

After finally meeting up with Paul, switching vehicles, and one carseat, I walked into social services. I had no clue what to expect. Honestly, it was an experience I will never forget. So many adults crowded around the belongings of a baby. Everybody awkwardly smiled at me. I spoke to a couple of social workers/case managers, signed a lot of paperwork, and then they said,

"Okay, that's all! Do you have any questions? He's right across the hall!"

That's when it happened. I opened the door to the playroom and there he was, our little dude, absolutely adorable, smiling, and laughing as he zoomed his cars on the table. I walked closer and squatted down.

"Hi buddy! Do you want to go play at my house?"

I put my hands out and he came right to me. That was it. We walked out. That's where our story began. It was 5:45pm and I was walking down the sidewalk holding a toddler who felt very foreign but yet he was trusting me to love and protect him for as long as necessary.

That night was full of a lot of smiles, a lot of toys, and a lot of nervous excitement. We had no idea what was to come. We had no idea what his past contained or what his future held. We just smiled, played, and decided to worry about that tomorrow.

6 months. 6 months ago, tonight. Only God knows the outcome of his story, but for now, I am ever grateful to be a mom of six.

51Georg-Anne Duval, Erica Meyers Shortridge and 49 others

22 Comments

Like

Comment

Share

An Update

 While I have a few quiet minutes, (thank you Paul for taking the kids out so I could take a nap) I wanted to take a moment to answer a few questions/curiosities/concerns that I have been asked repeatedly since our little dude has joined our family.

1) How long will you have him? This is, by far, the most asked question. The answer is...I don't know. He could go to a family member tomorrow, he could be here a year, or a lifetime. Every case is different and our concern is being an awesome family for him right now.

2) Do you want to adopt him? While conversations of adoption is what led us to foster care, we did not become foster parents so we could adopt. We became foster parents because we felt the calling to be available to kids who needed a safe and loving home and family for however long as necessary. If adoption becomes an option in this or future situations, we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

3) How are YOUR kids doing? Our kids are awesome! Any new addition causes a level of chaos that can't necessarily be predicted. The excitement and eagerness to help alone made it feel like we had at least 16 kids there for a couple of weeks. Thankfully, that has settled out and we are back to only having 6 kids.

During this transition, we worked steadily to keep things as normal as possible for our kids. Our routines, school, food, etc., all stayed, within reason, pretty much the same. Obviously, all of us have had different points of struggle but good communication, compassion, and a good dose of laughter and fun have made those struggles reasonable.

At around the two week mark, we had all reached a point where we were starting to pinpoint the needs that were falling through the cracks. After some humbling conversations, we were able to make adjustments and have instituted several touch points throughout our week that our kids have us all to themselves. While it is important for our little dude to know that he is equally part of our family, we also recognize the equal importance of making sure that our children know that they continue to have our full attention. This has definitely been a challenge but as of our last family meeting, everybody was at a double thumbs up.

4) Is Paul done deploying? No. He will be heading back out this summer for 90 days. Yes, that leaves me with 6 kids. Anytime this topic gets brought up, there is this underlying current that maybe we forgot about this little (GIANT) piece of our world. But, no, I assure you, we did not. This has been, and continues to be, discussed at length and we know what it entails. As it is before any deployment, we are constantly in a state of preparation and adjustment, making sure that our world is doable without our dad and husband.

5) How can I help? Honestly, what I have learned is the most valuable help for me is having supportive friends and family, no matter if we are celebrating, struggling, or just being. Being a foster family is hard. Really hard. But hard isn't bad. Great things come from great suffering, obviously prudently discerned. Being able to lend a hand or an ear without the suggestion of quitting, celebrating the seemingly tiny victories, and recognizing how far we have come when we are able to just be are the greatest acts of love you can provide. Obviously, practical help will never be turned down.

6) And lastly, a few statements that I hear at least 5 times a week: "How do you do it?" "Ya'll are better than me! I could never do it!" "Aren't you afraid you will be heartbroken?"

I will be 100% honest, before we started this journey, every single one of those statements passed through my lips. I didn't get it and if you are asking those questions, you don't either. Let me explain.

Being a foster parent is not about us. Parenting, not matter the prefix, recognizes that all of our kids need someone to stand in front and shield them from the hostilities of the world and formation on how to be in the world but not of it. Some kids are not afforded this possibility but they are no less deserving. Those big eyes looking up at us are the driving force. They are worth the heartbreak. They DESERVE our hearts to break.

Don't get me wrong, being a foster parent isn't for everybody. But we are no different than you. Our world has been and will be rocked just like anybody else's. We have simply been lucky enough to see those eyes that make the rock worth it.

And you ask how we do it? By the grace of God, the love of friends and family, the help of

Dana Cherry

, and maybe a splash of Sailor Jerry. Now that is the honest to goodness truth.

Two Weeks

 

Two weeks. Wow, how could so much yet so little time have passed since our little dude joined our family? When I look back on the last two weeks, my heart and mind go in a million different directions. There has been pure exhaustion, belly laughter, and so much love. There has been unbelievable gains and frustrating set backs. More than anything, there has been a lot of admiration and pride for a pint size boy who makes daily strides at normalcy, despite the complete uncertainty that surrounds him.

As we hit this two week mark, our adrenaline is wearing off, the exhaustion is setting in, and the struggle to balance life has begun. If I have learned one thing in the last two weeks, it is that foster parenting and normal parenting are two VERY different things. We have literally broken almost all of our parenting rules, we have sat in complete defeat as our tried and true methods failed, and have usually ended up holding a boy who just needed someone to be patient and be there, despite the crashing that is going on around us.

Even with all of the frustrations of being completely clueless in so many ways, the incredible high of watching this little man work so hard has been nothing short of exhilarating. Little things like finding food he will eat, sleeping in his crib for more than a couple of hours, and watching him smile and laugh instead of screaming during bath time, literally keep us going. We quickly realized that these small victories play into a much bigger picture.

You know, when you raise a child from birth, you know where they came from, what they like and don't like, their preferences, fears, and comforts. I'm amazed at how much we take that for granted and call it good parenting. The reality is that we know our children really well and know how to train them based on their personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. When there is small child in front of you with no information besides his squeals of joy or displeasure, you realize that while it can be incredibly frustrating at times, the real hardship falls on him as he wades through the new world surrounding him, not to mention the trauma of being taken from his own family. It is with that realization that we march forward, day by day, sometimes minute by minute, choosing to, as Paul said it, "stand the heat so he doesn't have to be in the fire".

With that, I ask for prayers as we continue down this road. Pray for healing and comfort for our little dude, when our words or actions can't or don't soothe him. Pray for patience, understanding, and joy for Paul and I to keep moving forward as we try to find a balance between his world and ours. For continued joy and courage for our kiddos who have had a blast having a new little brother but also feel the effects of change. And lastly, for little mans family, that they find the healing that they need in this difficult situation.

Thank you for your love and support over the last couple of weeks. We feel it and appreciate it!

Happy Halloween!

So Happy!

Claire is almost 11 months old.  She is such a happy little girl!

I was pulling out all of Catherine's old clothes and came across one of my favorites!  Claire looked so cute that I wanted to get a picture...but she kept hamming it up!

Here are the pictures from our little photo shoot

Like I said, she's a ham!  Can't wait for her daddy to see her!  10 more days!



To Walk or Not To Walk: THAT is the Question!

In efforts to keep up with her brother and sister, Claire crawled somewhat early.  I think it was around 4.5-5 months.   The day after she crawled, she pulled up on the couch and began cruising.  At that point, I was completely convinced that she was going to walk early. 

Well, since then, she has showed no interest in trying to stand unassisted and would just sit down if you tried to hold her hands while she walked.  So, maybe she won't walk early.

On Friday (10/28), little Claire bear woke up from her afternoon nap a new little baby.  I brought her downstairs, put her on the floor, and she immediately crawled to the couch, stood up, and let go.  She didn't fall, she just stood there...like she had been doing it for months.  In a two day period, she is not only standing up unassisted, she is also getting to the standing position without holding onto anything, and she is starting to take steps.  Holy Macaroni little girl!

These sweet children amaze me with how quickly they learn new skills.  I asked Paul if he cared if she walked before he got home.  He said he didn't but that it would be funny to be able to tell people that he got to see it only because I had spent three weeks pushing her over.  haha.  He cracks me up.

I'm wondering if Claire will be like her brother.  Paul never 'tried' anything.  He would only attempt it when he knew how to do it.  He never did the whole falling over walking thing or tried to say words he was unsure of.  If this is a projection of anything, I would say that she might be following in his footsteps. 

I'll let you know when the full walking begins!