An Update

 While I have a few quiet minutes, (thank you Paul for taking the kids out so I could take a nap) I wanted to take a moment to answer a few questions/curiosities/concerns that I have been asked repeatedly since our little dude has joined our family.

1) How long will you have him? This is, by far, the most asked question. The answer is...I don't know. He could go to a family member tomorrow, he could be here a year, or a lifetime. Every case is different and our concern is being an awesome family for him right now.

2) Do you want to adopt him? While conversations of adoption is what led us to foster care, we did not become foster parents so we could adopt. We became foster parents because we felt the calling to be available to kids who needed a safe and loving home and family for however long as necessary. If adoption becomes an option in this or future situations, we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

3) How are YOUR kids doing? Our kids are awesome! Any new addition causes a level of chaos that can't necessarily be predicted. The excitement and eagerness to help alone made it feel like we had at least 16 kids there for a couple of weeks. Thankfully, that has settled out and we are back to only having 6 kids.

During this transition, we worked steadily to keep things as normal as possible for our kids. Our routines, school, food, etc., all stayed, within reason, pretty much the same. Obviously, all of us have had different points of struggle but good communication, compassion, and a good dose of laughter and fun have made those struggles reasonable.

At around the two week mark, we had all reached a point where we were starting to pinpoint the needs that were falling through the cracks. After some humbling conversations, we were able to make adjustments and have instituted several touch points throughout our week that our kids have us all to themselves. While it is important for our little dude to know that he is equally part of our family, we also recognize the equal importance of making sure that our children know that they continue to have our full attention. This has definitely been a challenge but as of our last family meeting, everybody was at a double thumbs up.

4) Is Paul done deploying? No. He will be heading back out this summer for 90 days. Yes, that leaves me with 6 kids. Anytime this topic gets brought up, there is this underlying current that maybe we forgot about this little (GIANT) piece of our world. But, no, I assure you, we did not. This has been, and continues to be, discussed at length and we know what it entails. As it is before any deployment, we are constantly in a state of preparation and adjustment, making sure that our world is doable without our dad and husband.

5) How can I help? Honestly, what I have learned is the most valuable help for me is having supportive friends and family, no matter if we are celebrating, struggling, or just being. Being a foster family is hard. Really hard. But hard isn't bad. Great things come from great suffering, obviously prudently discerned. Being able to lend a hand or an ear without the suggestion of quitting, celebrating the seemingly tiny victories, and recognizing how far we have come when we are able to just be are the greatest acts of love you can provide. Obviously, practical help will never be turned down.

6) And lastly, a few statements that I hear at least 5 times a week: "How do you do it?" "Ya'll are better than me! I could never do it!" "Aren't you afraid you will be heartbroken?"

I will be 100% honest, before we started this journey, every single one of those statements passed through my lips. I didn't get it and if you are asking those questions, you don't either. Let me explain.

Being a foster parent is not about us. Parenting, not matter the prefix, recognizes that all of our kids need someone to stand in front and shield them from the hostilities of the world and formation on how to be in the world but not of it. Some kids are not afforded this possibility but they are no less deserving. Those big eyes looking up at us are the driving force. They are worth the heartbreak. They DESERVE our hearts to break.

Don't get me wrong, being a foster parent isn't for everybody. But we are no different than you. Our world has been and will be rocked just like anybody else's. We have simply been lucky enough to see those eyes that make the rock worth it.

And you ask how we do it? By the grace of God, the love of friends and family, the help of

Dana Cherry

, and maybe a splash of Sailor Jerry. Now that is the honest to goodness truth.